why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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