Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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