The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
