I smell stomach acid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
