Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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