The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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