The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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