New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
