the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
