moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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