Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
