K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
