No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Randomize
