My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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