so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize