ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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