Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
