dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
