I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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