I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
