he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
