Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
