What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
