my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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