wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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