my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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