Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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