if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
