Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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