i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
