I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
