You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
