the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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