They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
