Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
