Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
