After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
