hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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