Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
