I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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