Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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