i need an iv and a liver transplant
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
