I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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