Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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