Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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