whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
