I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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