Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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