and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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