Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
