We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
