Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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