I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
