I accidentally burped into my bong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
