im holly from the hills drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
