Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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