At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
