so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just high enough for therapy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize