dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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