Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize