You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
