i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
