Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
