i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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