You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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