We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
