At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
