My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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