So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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