just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
