Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They took my balls.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
