So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
