Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
